everything in its right place

lately, i've been feeling a little short on storage; i keep sensing that i should put some of the shit inside this head of mine that i've accumulated somewhere, anywhere, simply to free up some space. without enough storage, things tend to become a little cluttered up in there. so, i think i'll just store some stuff here for now.

today, i decided to be a responsible adult and finally made the painstaking journey to the DMV to register to vote and obtain an updated Driver's License (i've only lived here for about three months). after standing in line for 20 minutes and being tormented by screaming hoodrats and their apathetic mothers, i made my way to the counter, where i learned that my license was suspended and could not be updated until providing a certified letter stating that i was eligible for reinstatement. the following is a reconstruction of the conversation that occurred between me and the not-so-friendly and no-so-helpful public servant that suffered the misfortune of dealing with me:

Me: "What do you mean suspended?"

Her: "The screen says suspended. That's what it says."

Me: "Why is my license suspended?"

Her: "I don't know, it doesn't say."

Me: "How can I find out?"

Her: "You'll have to call this number."

at this point, she handed me a copy of the Nebraska Driver's Manual with a number circled in black ink. i dialed the number, and it was an automated system informing me to visit the DMV's website to pay a reinstatement fee. after the DMVbot hung up on me, i approached the counter again.

Me: "It was an automated system, and it directed me to your website."

Her: "You will have to visit the website. I cannot return your old license to you. You will need to go next door and obtain a State ID."

Me: "How can I get my license back?"

Her: "You will need to present a certified letter of reinstatement."

Me: "How do I obtain that?"

Her: "I don't know, you will need to go next door, they will help you get a State ID."

Me: "Why would I need to purchase an ID in order to get my license reinstated?"

Her: "I don't know. They may know next door."

Me: "How am I supposed to obtain an ID without any form of identification?"

Her: "You will need to present your Social Security Card."

Me: "What if I don't have my Social Security Card with me?"

Her: "I don't know. They may know next door. I cannot return your old license to you, and you cannot get a new license until this is cleared from my screen."

after hearing this robotic response, i immediately left the DMV in order to prevent peppering her and the hoodrats screaming behind me with an emotional explosion of profanity. i did not go next door. i did not obtain a State ID. instead, i got in my car, smoked a cigarette, and accessed the DMV's website on my iPhone, where i was able to quickly pay the reinstatement fee without having to deal with any more bureaucratic bitchery. according to the website, the DMV's records should have been updated immediately, which would nullify the need for a certified letter of reinstatement.

it should be noted that there are two possible causes for the suspension of my license:

1. i had an unpaid speeding ticket in Sarpy County for the last two months that probably led to a bench warrant (found it in a stack of paperwork when unpacking my office boxes)

2. i neglected to renew my insurance until over a month after my old policy had expired

so, for a little while there, i was driving around with a suspended license, no insurance, and a warrant, all unbeknownst to me. whoops.

anyway, after paying the $55 reinstatement fee, i walked back into the DMV, stood in line for another 20 minutes, and eventually was called on by the same sour bitch from earlier.

Me: "I did not go next door. I paid the reinstatement fee through the DMV's website on my iPhone. The website indicated that I don't need to present a certified letter."

Her: "Just a minute." (long pause and several hundred clumsy keystrokes) "It appears to have been cleared from my screen. I've never seen that before. That will be $12 please."

she then proceeded to take the worst Driver's License photo of me EVER. i think i'll intentionally lose this one and pay the fee for another one on which i don't look like such fucking dumbass...

so thank you, DMV, for never failing to rigorously enforce your inhumane bureaucratic policies with snarky matter-of-factness, and a smile. and thanks for making me look like a mongoloid in my photo.